I'm not exaggerating, this was one of the worst weeks I've ever endured. I mean honestly, I never thought that I would let myself be so affected by someone's words. If you know me well, you know that I'm a sensitive person to begin with. I almost always know when you're joking around with me versus when you're being real with me.
The reason I say this is because I had a person in authority (a tenured teacher in the Education Department, specifically) tell me, through email no less, exactly what she thinks of me. I have her for two classes in a row, and I have been struggling a little bit with the first class. I knew I needed help, so I e-mailed her asking if there is anything I can do to help redeem my grade, and if she had any advice for me that would help me out. She said,
- you are unprofessional
- you are careless
- you don't listen
- you are unorganized
- you will get fired once you are hired for a job and your boss sees how unprofessional you are
I mean, what am I supposed to think of that? It's not like I'm not here e-mailing you, asking for help or anything! It's not like you don't have me for another class (which I have an "A" in, by the way) and haven't seen me succeed. I mean, there is nothing in this e-mail whatsoever that was caring or constructive in the slightest. I know that I definitely have had some shortcomings in this class, I know that I could've given more effort if I had really, really wanted to at times...But how does that justify her in telling me that I am basically worthless in the Education field and that I should give up while I'm ahead??? If I wasn't meant for a career in teaching, then somebody should've given me that snippet of advice a hell of a lot sooner than the semester before my final internship.
I know that I'm no honor student. But I stayed up all night one night slaving over a paper for her class because I knew that she was going to be hard on me. I made it perfect. It was golden. And what did I get for it? A note that said, "Unacceptable" and "Follow directions" when the directions were followed to exact specifications. I don't know what I can do to give me a good grade in that class except bust my butt and hope that she thinks it's good enough for her.
Many thanks to the friends who had to listen to me cry off and on all week, even though I didn't really tell many of you. It was such a painful ordeal that I didn't really want to rehash the story over and over again, so in some cases, I just didn't tell it. I mostly tried to keep to myself this week, I had a lot of deep reflective thinking to do. I mean, you can't be told something like that from a professor in authority and not take it to heart. This has really shaken me to the core, and it will probably take me awhile to recover from it. But I am determined to have a better week next week.
By the way, that teacher is retiring next semester. If only I had been so lucky.
